


Steps To A Better Life

by TheMadHale



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Scars, War, hair cutting, war flash backs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-10-20
Packaged: 2020-01-31 14:45:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18593425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMadHale/pseuds/TheMadHale
Summary: After being rescued from enemy hands Bucky must adjust to not only being home but to being a father of twins.





	1. Chapter 1

Y/N had been struggling during her second pregnancy, but lucky for her Bucky was taken off active duty with the Avengers unit.

Bucky enjoyed the removal of active duty, since he had already missed most of his twin boys lives. Bucky had missed their birth, having been called away on a rescue mission of some troops but that mission went sideways and he was taken hostage for over six months.

Over those six months he could only imagine if it was two boys, two girls or one of each and that was what kept him going. He would think about how he was going to spoil them with love once he got out, teaching them boxing once they were old enough, sing them lullabies in Russian and tell them stories of papa and uncle Steve.

When he was rescued by his team not even Steve recognized him. He had lost the sparkle in his eyes, beard overgrown and his hair was matted and long. He had given up hope of being rescued and more importantly he had given up hope of his wife not finding another man to fill the father role for his children. Six months was a long wait even for an army wife. 

When Bucky was loaded onto the plane and its engine started, Bucky’s mind would have clicked back to the bumpy ride of the transport while being moved from village to village. If it wasn’t for Steve who was sat next to him showing him a picture of Y/N with two blue bundles.

“Two very healthy boys, James Jr and Ethan Barnes. JJ is the older of the two and has his daddy’s eyes.” Steve said gently.

The rest of the flight Steve told him everything he had missed like Y/N’s birthday which she refused to celebrate without Bucky.

Landing in Washington everyone got out except Bucky. What was he to do now he was back on US soil? He had no idea if Y/N would want to see him. When Steve stepped back into the plane he held out his hand.

“You need to be checked out by the hospital first.” Steve said sternly.

Bucky just trembled, “Y/N?” he mumbled so softly it was a surprise Steve even heard him.

“Clint and Laura will grab her and the boys, okay? They will meet us at the hospital.”

Bucky nodded and stood to follow Steve to an awaiting car. The drive to the hospital was technically short but to bucky it felt like a lifetime. Seeing all the buildings again Bucky remember memories from some of them.

When the car pulled up at the back of the hospital Bucky was confused until he saw news trucks and reporters outside the alley way.

Rushing out of the car and into the hospital door, he sighed in relief of being away from cameras. Walking down the hallway he came to a stop at a desk.

“Sergeant Barnes?” The young lady said from behind the desk.

Bucky nodded but Steve spoke, “That’s him, Ma’m.” 

Steve made Bucky chuckle a little bit, “Steve and his bloody language.”

“I’m being polite.”

“You’re also annoying.”

When Bucky finished, his name was called by the doctor. Walking to the doctor Bucky looked back at Steve kind of asking for him to come with but Steve shook his head. He was going to have to do this alone.

Entering the exam room, Bucky sat on the bed waiting for the doctor to talk or ask questions but neither came. Instead the doctor places their hand on his shoulder and Bucky reacted.

The only sound in the room was the loud SNAP of the doctor’s now broken arm.

When the doctor rushed out, Bucky hung his head in shame, there’s no way Y/N would let him near their children if he could snap an adult’s arm. what would he do to his own children then, small and fragile as they were?

Hearing the door open again he continued looking at his hands and let out, “Get out, I’ll hurt you,” loud enough such that the person would hear him.

“James,” Y/N said, “look at me please.”

Looking up he saw his smiling wife, “I’ll hurt you like I did the doctor”

“I don't think you will, I’m not going to touch you. I’m going to sit in this chair and talk. Is that okay with you James?”

When Bucky nodded she sat down in the chair by the door.

“Steve told me about JJ and Ethan on the way home.”

“That was nice of him,” Y/N looked at Bucky she saw he was uncomfortable, “Are you okay? Physically I mean.”

“Few scars, some healed broken bones.”

“And your hair?”

“Needs a cut sadly, it’s gross and stinky” Bucky said, screwing his face up.

“You may have to shave it off if it’s too bad and let it grow back.”

“The army likes soldiers with short hair.” Bucky said rather sadly.

Y/N held out her left hand inviting Bucky off the bed, “Some people like men with longer hair.”

“Like you?” Bucky asked, sliding off the bed and to his feet to get to Y/N.

“Just like me” Y/N said, smiling at Bucky as he crept closer.

Bucky sat in front of her grabbing her hand, “You still wear your ring?” 

“Yes I do. Wanna know why?” when he nodded she continued, “I love my husband. He’s the father of my children, the two we already have and the rest at the IVF center.” Y/N slowly reaches for his cheek and when it was there Bucky rubbed against it, “Speaking of the IVF center, on my birthday I called them to tell them I wanted another embryo implanted, and I’m going through the steps to do so.”

“We’re going to hopefully have another child next year?” Bucky questioned, shocked.

“I’m taking the progesterone shots so maybe we will.”

“I’m going to have to get better before the transplantation of the embryo happens.”

“You aren’t broken, you have scratches,” Y/N said as she runs her thumb over his cheekbone, “Therapy once or twice a week and the spare room if you’re struggling. We will get through this together like we did when we found out about my infertility”

“Together. Like at home?”

“No James, on the flipping moon. Of course at home, I’m not leaving you here alone.”

Seeing a small spark in Bucky’s eyes made Y/N smile and stand, “Come on, you’ve scared most of the doctors in this hospital and honestly…” Y/N softens her voice, “They aren’t good doctors here and a wife knows her husband better then any doctor would.” Bucky nods despite being apprehensive, “The babies will be with Clint and Laura for the night, they offered on the way here because they remember how Clint was when he got back. First night back is always the hardest because you are used to captivity and you’re going to have night terrors.”

“I don't want to hurt you while I sleep.”

“Then you sleep in the spare room if you have to for a few months or a year, however long it takes it’s okay?”

“Can I see them?” Bucky asked shyly.

“The twins?”

“Yeah, I want to see them before we leave for home.”

“Get up then, silly.” 

Y/N laughed at how fast Bucky got up, the military man was overly excited to see his two six-month-old babies. Bucky was out of the room before his wife had even opened the door completely but Y/N understood. When he was called away, he didn’t want to leave.

As they walked to the waiting room he got so nervous he had to be pulled in by Y/N but the look on his face when he saw the two boys.  _ Priceless _ . 

He walked quietly towards them before crouching in front of the stroller, slowly reaching out to touch one of their feet.

“They’re so small,” Bucky let out, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I know they are Jay,” Y/N said while crouching next to him, “but they are more than just small. You’ll have to wait till tomorrow because Clint and Laura have a school pick up to do, okay?”

“Not okay,” Bucky rasped, reaching for the other baby’s cheek, “I don’t want them to go just yet.”

“James,” Y/N said firmly, “you’ll see them again tomorrow, I promise.”

Bucky nodded sadly, removing his hands from the stroller, “Bye bye little guys, daddy loves you.”

“You’re adorable, James.” Y/N said patting his knee, “Let’s get you home.”

When Bucky and Y/N stood, Y/N kissed Laura on the cheek and waved bye to Clint,

“How are we getting home?” Bucky asked.

“The driver that brought you and Steve is going to drop us off home.” Y/N said.

“I’ll catch a taxi back to mine so you can have the back seat,” Steve said before kissing Y/N’s cheek, “Good to have you home finally Buck.” Steve said, shaking Bucky’s hand before leaving the hospital out the front door.

Grabbing Y/N’s hand Bucky went back the way he and Steve came to get to the front desk. Entering the alley way, Bucky shielded Y/N from the eyes of whatever media company was staked out front of the hospital. 

On the way home from the hospital he was just quietly holding his wife’s hand occasionally rubbing circle into it or playing with her ring. Arriving home Y/N felt a very tight squeeze on her hand.

“What’s wrong Jay?” she asked so softly.

“Nothing forgot we moved here.”

“So you got shocked seeing it?”

“Yeah” he admitted.

“It’s okay, I used to forget to. I once drove to our old house after going food shopping.” Y/N admitted back.

Bucky smiled, getting out the car and assisting Y/N out.

“I like this house more,” Bucky said looking at the house, “Two car garages and big windows.”

“Don’t forget the four bedrooms,” Y/N said, smiling at him for saying what he said the first time he saw it. 

Walking to the front door and opening it, Y/N said, “Come inside and look around. I need to find the shaver and scissors to cut your hair.”

Bucky didn’t go inside for another five minutes, taking everything in slowly. Taking a step into the house he first saw Y/N and his wedding picture and right next to it was a photo from their maternity shoot. Reaching for the photo he stroked Y/N’s belly with a smile.

“Jay?” Y/N called softly.

“I like the pictures,” Bucky replied, turning to Y/N and walking towards her.

“I’m glad, I like them too. Especially those two because we look so happy.”

“We need to add another one at some point,” Bucky stated before holding his wife’s hand again.

“Of what?”

“Our boys.”

Y/N smiled at that, “We will organise it at another time. We need to focus on you, starting with what you’ve been calling hair for six months.”

Pulling him gently, Y/N led Bucky outside to where she had set up a chair and a table with the scissors and shaver on it.

Bucky sat down in the chair before asking, “Can we try not to shave it?”

“We can try Jay,” Y/N said gently as she picked up the scissors, “Are you ready?”

“Not really but it needs to be done.”

“Take a deep breath.” When Bucky took the big breath, Y/N continued, “And out,” when Bucky exhaled Y/N cut a bit of his hair, “That was good Jay, that wasn’t too hard. Think you can do it again?”

Bucky shakes his head, “I don’t want short hair Y/N”

Y/N walked around before crouching slightly to meet him at eye level, “it grows back Jay.”

“But I’m used to it being shoulder length”

“Jay, hair grows back, and I’m only cutting out the knots, okay? It’s going to be like Army Academy James who I fell for.” Y/N softly stroking his cheek.

“Okay, we can continue,” Bucky said nodding, “has to be done.”

Getting back up Y/N went back to cutting Bucky’s hair. 

Once finished, Y/N walked back around to Bucky holding the knot, “Ready to say goodbye to it?”

“Goodbye hair, I’ll miss you,” Bucky said, touching it before going, “To the bin you go.”

“Time to trim the rest before throwing the hair away”

“Trim? I thought you would want it shaved like how it used to be.”

“I like it just before you shave as well Jay.”

Bucky smiled at that when he first met her, he had a slight scruff of hair, “The night after we first met, I shaved off my beard because you said you didn’t like scruff.”

“You’ve been shaving the stubble off because younger me told you I disliked scruff, you’re adorable Jay.”

Grabbing the scissors and dropping the fluff of hair on the floor, Y/N started cutting the hair away from his chin and cheeks until it was a reasonable length. 

“Tada, all done” Y/N said picking up the hair to put in the bin, “After I put this in the bin I’ll show the bathroom.”

“Will you stay with me in there? I’m scared to be alone again.”

“Of course Jay.”

After throwing the hair in the bin, Y/N walked back to Bucky and ran her fingers through his much shorter hair, “I missed doing that while putting you to sleep. Well that and my heart beat.” Y/N said before moving her hand to grab his.

“I don’t think it would help much to put me to sleep now a days especially after the things that happened overseas.” Bucky said as he stood up to hug his wife lightly.

“Let’s get you all clean and into fresh clothes okay? Then we can relax on the couch and watch a movie.”

“Bath time.” Bucky said, releasing the hug and grabbing Y/N’s hand.

“Bath time.” Y/N repeated before they both walked to the only bathroom in the house with an actual bath.

While Y/N started the bath, Bucky just looked around the bland room, “Maybe one day we can renovate this house make it more us instead plain white walls and tiles.” 

“We can discuss that later but now you need to get undressed and get into the bath,” Y/N demanded in a mothering tone instead of the sweet loving one she used when cutting his hair.

Removing the cotton top off his body Bucky revealed some of the injuries he had sustained. There was a big scar that ran from his shoulder to the bottom of his shoulder blade but dropping his pants and boxer shorts, nothing could have prepared you for it. Right there on his bum were layers of white scars and even a few burn marks, he was tortured and it was obvious. 

Getting into the bath, Bucky tried to relax but being naked just reminded him of the hell he had been through, all the lashings he received for intel on what the US had planned and for just being an American in a foreign country fighting a war that wasn’t technically theirs to fight. He had his fingers broken on many occasions but the worst of his injuries was still his shoulder. 

Stepping in behind him and sitting on the edge, Y/N told him, “You’re safe Jay, I’m here with you. I won’t hurt you just relax.” but when Bucky turned his head to look at her, she broke, “Oh James, I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have gone. I should have faked being in labour, so you didn’t have leave”

Turning around in the bath Bucky grabbed her hands softly, “It’s not your fault. It was my job. However, I want to find a new one. Maybe teach self defense instead of staying with the Avengers unit. I’ll be home daily to see my beautiful wife and my children and I won't have to see death as much.”

“But the Army is your life and the only connection to your dad you have left.”

“I have a family now, they have to come first so I’m going to leave the army and spend a few months with just you and the boys.”

“We will discuss it after this bath so turn around so I can wet your hair like I do with the boys,” Y/N smiled when Bucky did exactly as she asked by facing the taps and putting his hair back.

Placing the cup in the water, Y/N filled up the cup before placing it above his forehead, “I’m going to wet your hair, is that okay?” 

When Bucky nodded, Y/N poured the water over his hair to wet it entirely.

After squeezing shampoo into his hair Y/N massaged the shampoo into his scalp, lifting all the grime that had accumulated over the months out. As Y/N dragged her nails across his scalp Bucky let out a soft set of moans before starting it over again when Y/N run her fingers out tugging on his hair. Y/N repeated that method before rinsing and doing it all over again until Bucky’s hair looked soft and non-greasy. 

Getting out of the tub, Y/N was quick to wrap a towel around Bucky before leading him to their room to grab a pair of boxers. Sitting on the bed Y/N patted beside her while holding another towel.

“Let me dry your hair. I like doing it with the boys.” Y/N said before Bucky sat down in front of her. 

Rubbing the towel against Bucky’s now short curled hair, Y/N heard another moan come out of him but a whimper followed soon. Y/N remove the towel quickly and pulled Bucky into her chest firmly so he heard her heartbeat.

“You’re okay it's safe here, I’m sorry that it scared you.” Y/N said reassuringly.

“It isn’t your fault. It’s mine.”

“You’re allowed to be scared, you were held hostage for over six months you’re allowed to be afraid of the dark and yourself.”

Bucky nodded sliding down the bed till his head was in her lap, Y/N just smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, humming softly to the music they first danced to at their wedding which just put him to sleep although that didn’t stop Y/N continuing the motions. 

The next morning Bucky woke up to Y/N running her finger over the large scar on his shoulder before her lips pressed against it as if to kiss the pain away.

“I got it when I was shot,” Bucky said in his deep, morning voice.

“How and why were you shot? And why does the scar look surgical?”

“Cross-fire and as for its surgical look, they had to remove the bullet and fix my shoulder blade.”

“Well, at least you're alive to spend the rest of your life as a father and husband.” Y/N smiled kissing Bucky on the lips, “Think you could help me make those waffles your mom taught you? I tried once while you were away and failed badly.” 

“How about I just cook and you get ready for the day?”

“No, how about we get ready and then  we make the waffles so we are prepared to pick up the boys from Clint and Laura's?”

“Sounds like a good plan my love.”

One the way home from getting the boys Y/N was driving while Bucky sat in the back seat squeezed between the two car sets. He didn’t mind being squished if it meant he was close to the boys and touching them softly. Bucky was still scared of holding them but he will get over it that fear once he believed himself capable of not harming them in any way.

Arriving home, Bucky took Ethan in via the car seat carrier while Y/N just picked up little JJ and carried him to the door. Placing both babies in the living room Bucky just took to looking at the two of them as they slept. When the piercing cries started, Bucky was immediately there.

“Shh, little one it’s okay,” He said softly while rocking the baby on there back, “Papa is here it's okay,” but when talking didn’t seem to help Bucky thought about what his mom used to do when he was scared as a child.

Y/N had been in the kitchen doing the dishes when Bucky’s singing drew her to the living room door. Bucky sat between the two babies singing soft little tunes to calm them which worked. Y/N walked back into the kitchen to grab two baby bottles of milk before walking and sitting next to him. 

“They’re hungry Jay,” She said softly, placing the bottles on the carpet before picking up JJ and handing him to Bucky, “Cradle the head and bottom with one hand and feed with the other.”

When Bucky did it he smiles and picked up the bottle placing it against JJ’s lips before watching JJ take the tip of the bottle into his mouth.

“Strong hungry baby you are,” Bucky said softly like it wasn’t his first time holding the baby, he was a natural at it.

Y/N just smiled as she fed Ethan, so happy that Bucky naturally becomes soft and light with his little boys.

When JJ looked at Bucky he took a large intake of breath, “He has my eyes Y/N, does Ethan have them too?” When Y/N nodded Bucky smiled and said, “Dad won the eye game boys,” like it had been a competition of whose eye colour they would get. 

Over the next few months a lot had changed, Y/N had the transfer of the embryo which stuck so Baby Barnes three was going to happen. Bucky had started doing more fatherly duties but not all. He still wouldn’t change a diaper, but lastly therapy was going well. Things did get rough with Y/N’s pregnancy and it was kicking her butt big time, but Y/N was on self-imposed rest.  If she got hungry, Bucky would bring food to bed but there was always a bucket nearby incase it wanted to come back up. Bucky also had a plan in case he couldn’t get any rest at night, he would sneak into the boys room and sing lullabies in Russian until he grew tired and fell asleep in the rocking chair.

One afternoon, Y/N and Bucky were on the couch, it was one of the rougher days for Y/N since moving wasn’t really an option, watching a movie when a piercing cry came from the baby monitor that was on the coffee table.

“I’ll get him you stay put,” Bucky said rubbing Y/N leg as he got up. 

Going into the room Bucky knew he had to face changing a diaper and today was going to be that day. Picking up little Ethan, Bucky walked over to the change table and placed him on it, Bucky had seen Y/N do it so many times so it shouldn’t be difficult right? Wrong, Bucky ended up searching the room for new clothes for the baby along with himself since Ethan decided to pee right after the diaper was removed. 

Walking back into the living room hold Ethan he had a disappointed look on his face he sat down next to his wife who just smiled softly at him.

“You’ll get use to it, Jay, I did and I was terrible while i was learning, wasn’t I Eth?” she asked the baby as she tickled  him before closing her eyes.

“Sleep Y/N you deserve it and honestly you need it. Go to bed and sleep I’ll handle the boys” and when Y/N nodded and walked away Bucky moved him and Ethan to the floor. 

Placing Ethan in front of him, Bucky leaned down and blew against the baby’s tummy making the baby giggle a lot making Bucky just look at the baby in awe. By that time Y/N got back up both Bucky and the twins were fast asleep on the living room floor. The way they were asleep was the twins asleep on Bucky’s chest which indicated that Bucky was last to sleep.

Going to pick up on of the babies Y/N had only just put her hand under them when Bucky let out, “Don’t take them they’re my boys” in his sleep.

“It’s okay Jay, I’m putting them back in their cribs okay? No one is stealing your boys”

Loosening up, Bucky let go of the babies and allowed Y/N to carry them to their cribs before she returned and went into the kitchen to make something for dinner. Half way through Bucky had woken and went to help, more like take over, with dinner by cooking the meat and pasta while Y/N was left to make the salad. 

Later that night was when things become interesting, Y/N was fast asleep when Bucky snuck in and laid beside her with his lips against the barely-there bump.

“You know what would make mommy really happy? If you were a girl so she wouldn’t feel as overran by boys even though she still would be. Papa would be just happy if you were healthy and that he was there to see you born.” Rubbing her belly, he added, “Please stop making mommy feel sick, your big brothers miss her.”

The next morning Y/N woke up later than normal, confused. She looked at the baby monitor to see it was turned off so she walked to the boys' room before going into the living room to find Bucky and the boys. Bucky was making JJ punch and kick the air. 

“What are you doing James?”

“Teaching them baby boxing?”

“They are nearly one they aren’t babies.”

“Toddler boxing then.”

Y/N just rolled her eyes before heading into the kitchen for coffee, “Remember to do belly time with them as well” Y/N yelled from the kitchen.

Bucky could be heard in the kitchen saying, “Tummy time or Toddler boxing?” When the babies gargled Bucky nodded, “Tummy time it is.”

Placing the boys on their tummies Bucky joined them and told them stories, “There was this one time in training that Uncle Steve and I were playing around with Aunty Nat which nearly got us shot but luckily Uncle Tony and Uncle Clint were there or you both wouldn’t have been born,” Bucky continued telling the stories about him and their family but the little ones crawled away to play with toys so Y/N laughed.

“They agree your stories are boring.”   
“Baby three doesn’t, do you Baby Barnes the Third?” Bucky asked, placing his hand on Y/N’s bump.


	2. Steps To A Better Life 2

As Y/N got closer to being due, Bucky took to taking the boys out with him, even to work.

During classes, the boys would visit the childcare room at the gym but once a class was over and he had a break he would pick the boys up and go to an empty room so the three of them could play and eat snacks.

When arriving home Bucky would put on a movie for the boys before going into the kitchen to cook dinner for the family of four. After everything is cooked he plates some and takes it to Y/N who is now on doctor’s ordered bed rest till the birth of Baby Barnes 3.

-3 Months Later-

Since Harlow was born Bucky and Y/N always had their friends around them to assist in any way they could with the twins. Currently Steve and Tony had the two boys at Tony’s property which had a playground that was built for any children of the Avengers team.

While the boys were out Bucky would sit in Harlow’s room in the rocking chair with her on his chest. Y/N would often hear Bucky talking softly to the little girl that blessed their family only a few weeks ago.

“JJ and Ethan will kick any boys butts that hurt you Harl and then there is all your aunties and uncles that will also protect you.” Bucky said rocking in the rocking chair.

Wherever Bucky went it was almost certain you would also see baby Harlow, Bucky never wanted to leave Harlow alone in case he missed something and everyone found it cute, especially Y/N who would often than not come into Harlow’s room to put her back in her crib before putting a blanket over Bucky.

When Y/N went back to work Bucky choose to spend a few days a week at home. One evening Y/N came home to her four loves asleep on Bucky and her bed and smiled. After appreciating the view Y/N took a few quick pictures before sending them to the Avengers Team group text and receiving funny and cute messages back but one stood out.

**Steve: That’s going to be you in six months Tony.**

 


End file.
